


The Present

by Gonardo



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Clubbing, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Work In Progress, bi sexual seungri, depressed seungri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-20 03:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8234432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gonardo/pseuds/Gonardo
Summary: Ji is known for letting his emotions get the better of him, giving it all until he's run dry. Though of late the emptiness seems to be lingering. Add to it his dear maknae isn't acting like himself.





	1. Day One

**Author's Note:**

> New to the fandom, so please be gentle. The terms may be off, so please forgive me, and also I'm super self consious when it comes to their names. I'll be using their stage names for the most part save for Jiyong. I intend for this to be a slow build but who knows how that will turn out. The rating may or may not change, but I do plan on this being emotional. But with a happy ending.
> 
> Not beta read, all flub ups are my own. Enjoy?

Day 1: Weary where I lie, without you at my side/ Days long since passed by, as I succumb to the night sky

It can be so tiring when one is on top of their game, and right now Jiyong could sleep an entire week without waking. Everything hurts, but especially his eyes, dry even after removing the contact lenses. Thirty six hours and maybe a total of half an hour of sleep in that span, and it’s taking its toll. He had actually snapped at his manager earlier on the phone, cringing at the memory. Expecting to hear ranting, or yelling but instead was met with total and utter silence.

The plane gives a shake after hitting turbulence, making Ji grit his teeth. Every little thing gets to him, every last detail. Seungri, the maknae is currently snoring a few seats over. He loves him dearly, but wishes he could strangle him. Ji not so secretly wishes for that every day though. Youngbae is slouched in his seat, face slack and body pliant. Daesung hums softly in his sleep while the rapper and eldest member is eerily silent. Motions still, sharp lines harsh making the man unfairly handsome.

Another jolt and Ji is cursing his very existence, and he begins to wonder if all of this is really worth it after all.

*

Youngbae is smiling brightly after waking, the plane landing smoothly enough, and all of his band members slept through most of the flight. Seungri has his signature devious smirk in place, elbowing Top in the side who grunts in response. Daesung laughs at the exchange, and Ji just sighs before picking up his things and stepping onto the runway.

“Hey hyung, where are you going in such a hurry?” Seungri asks. Jiyong just ignores him and rushes towards the van waiting for them. As soon as his ass hits the seat he droops, and in seconds is fast asleep. The youngest starts to say something loudly only to rein himself in at the last moment. His leader is finally resting, the last thing he wants to to disturb him. Sadly it was no longer a task waking the other man, a pin could drop and he would stir awake.

He turns towards Youngbae with a finger pressed to his lips, and he watches as the other man looks over his shoulder, mouth forming an ‘oh’ in understanding.

It does not take much time to arrive to the arena, but Yiyong gets those precious moments of sleep. Grunting as he piles out of front passenger seat to a smiling maknae. “You aren’t aging so well hyung.” His eyes shoot daggers at the other man who only laughs it off. “It happens to us all.”

“You’re playing with fire,” Youngbae sing songs.

“But G loves me most, right?” Seungri bats his lashes, knowing how to make others weak in the knees.

“You were always so full of yourself,” Ji bites back.

“Yeah, but you like that about me, admit it.”

The leader shakes his head and grunts out his response before making his way towards the back entrance. “That’s answer enough.” That little shit!

*

Jiyong taps on his mic, staring intently at it before heaving out a sigh. His on stage persona is so unlike his off stage personality. Up there he is full of swag, fire burning through his veins. But off camera, away from the crowds he is soft and shy. Full of helpless giggles and red cheeks. His maknae on the other hand, give him an informal set and he will blow you away, from his impersonations to his flare for the dramatic. Leave it to him to add layers to a story to have it be more… ‘interesting’ as he likes to call it.

While he’s stone quiet on the more formal ones, letting G Dragon and Taeyang take the lead. Top and Daesung add to the mix, while the youngest just sits utterly still, a lot going on in his mind. He hates it, Jiyong thinks to himself, because Seungri is full of happiness and energy, breaking the ice to make things less awkward, putting himself out there time and again.

Sometimes it backfires, he made some mistakes, hell they all do. Ji hates that too, the drama unfolding from a misunderstanding. The maknae pleading with him not to kick him out, but to forgive him. While he had been disappointed, he was angry more than anything, his maknae having his privacy taken away from him without consent. Yes he knows what went down, and they had a long drawn out talk about it, which shouldn’t have happened. What he does in his downtime is none of anyone else’s business.

Anyway, Seungri has changed since then, both good and bad. Freezing once someone brings something up even remotely close to it, Ji always deflecting it. He’s said all he needed to, no reason to rehash it.

He jumps when Top taps on his shoulder a concerned look on his face. “You’re being quiet,” he says in his usual deep voice.

“Just thinking, I’ll warm up in a minute.” The other man just nods his head, backing off for the time being.

*

The show was a success, they usually are. They always make it a point to interact with the fans as much as they are able, and Jiyong feels warmth bloom in his chest at the very thought. After though, is always the most difficult. You are alone with your own thoughts, weary and empty. He’s always been the kind to go all out, all or nothing. Right now Ji feels numb, and he worries that the feeling of uncertainty will consume him until there is nothing left.

His phone chimes, and he leans over to swipe over the lock screen. It’s from Seungri, who usually is bright eyed and smiling in his selfies. In this photo he is actually stoic. A tear glittering under his left eye, which are panda dark again. The next picture shows him with his eyes closed with the caption ‘must be that time again.’ Ji jolts in shock. He’d forgotten again. The maknae usually gets quiet this time of year, though none of the others know why. It makes his heart ache for the young man.

‘I’m here if you need me,’ Ji replies. A moment later a tired yet smiling Seungri appears on the screen with a panda emoji along with a heart and a blushing smiley face.

‘I know, you always did look out for me.’

Ji just types ‘well someone has to do it.’ He feels his stomach tighten once more at the idea of his maknae being so sad. He’s hoping that tomorrow will be better for the young man, someone who looks out for others the way Seungri does, there’s bound to be some good karma coming his way, right?


	2. Day 2: The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungri's mind is never far from the one he lost, though will his heart open for the one there for him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta read, may clean up later.
> 
> Let me know if I missed any tags.
> 
> Also, I hope I got their names right.
> 
> I also depressed myself writing this chapter :/

Just yesterday everything seemed to be going fine, they arrived safely and on time and the concert was fantastic. Ji finally got some much needed sleep, that man pushes himself too far, Seungri thinks to himself. But then after going back to the hotel room, checking his phone for new messages the clock struck midnight. That’s when old ghosts started to haunt him.

He remembers texting a pic to Jiyong knowing he would be cool about it. Ji never pushes him to talk about things, instead shows how much he understands with hugs soft kisses to the forehead. Seungri needs that more than ever.

Taeyang, known as Youngbae off stage, reverts to his usual teasing, going as far as asking why he hasn’t hit up any ladies. “It’s not like you, by the end of the night you usually have at least three narrowed down.” He had tried to smile but failed, and his hyung pauses at that. “Feeling alright?”

“Just an off night, I’ll be back at it tomorrow. Nothing to worry about hyung.” He flashes a bright smile, bringing it out for the crowd. If the fans were even to suspect any kind of sadness it would have them worried. They came to be entertained, to get away from it all. The last thing that Seungri wants is them to detect it.

Youngbae seems to buy it and just nods before walking away. Seungri blows out the breath that he’s been holding in.

*

 

Its after a long hot shower that Seungri takes the time to focus on what has been on his mind. He pulls out an old photo, the color has faded a bit, the corners bent, one even peeling. A young girl, well almost woman, is looking back at him, eyes bright and innocent along with a matching smile. Lina, her voice echoes in the back of his mind. “My name is Lina,” a girl tells him with a giggle. “Sorry my Korean isn’t that good, I’ve been in the states for a while and my native language has suffered.” He could only smile and nod in return.

Lina is his first love, he falls fast and deep, only thinking of her. The girl’s brother hates the idea at first, but then comes around once he sees that Lee Seunghyun only has eyes for her. Time passes and they grow closer, Lina is his first ‘real’ kiss, and it’s sweet and so amazing, and he swears nothing could ever surpass it. In fact he screams it into the night sky, making her giggle with glee.

He’s set to leave soon but swears that he will write her everyday, call when he can. And that no other girl would steal his heart… Sadly Seungri never gets the chance. On a sunny day, ten years ago today, Lina is found lifeless. There is never a case, even though there were signs of a hit and run. Lind, her brother, is the one to tell him, and Seungri loses it, screaming at him, hitting him. He’s allowed to view the body, and he sees it with his own eyes, Lina is gone, and she’s never coming back.

His phone rings, making him jump. Goes to wipe his eyes before looking at the display. ‘Jiyong’ Seungri closes his eyes and pushes the power button. Any other time he’d answer, but not today. Today is for Lina. The young man dreams of her that night, laughter in the air, bright and free. She is riding her bike, looking back at them, he and Jiyong peddling like mad behind her, trying to catch up.

“Why are boys so lame? That they can’t see what’s right in front of them?” Her voice has an eerie echo to it.

“I’m looking at it,” Seungri argues.

“No silly, I’m the past. Beside you, that’s your future,” she tsks at him.

“No!” He shouts. “No, please,” he tries again. “You’re my future. Don’t do this. I said I’ll call, didn’t I? I have your number right here,” Seungri taps his head. “I’d never leave you behind.”

“Don’t you get it Lee? I know you didn’t, you kept your promise to me. I will always love you.” He tears up at hearing her calling him that.

“Don’t go, Lina. Don’t go!” A hand grasps his shoulder and begins to shake it. “Don’t go where I can’t follow… don’t!” He comes to with a grasp, and a bewildered looking Jiyong staring down at him.

“Sorry, I heard you from the other room, got worried and asked them to open the door,” his voice is low, gentle. As gentle as his touch as they wipe at the sweat that has since dotted along Seungri’s brow.

“How much did you hear?” His voice cracks.

“Didn’t catch the words, just the tone…” Is all he says back. The air is thick with tension and Jiyong looks away, guilty.

“Thanks hyung, just a nightmare. I’ll let you get back to sleep.”

“Can I?” Jiyong begins to asks before clearing his throat. “Can I stay here, I promise not to be in the way.” Eyes still rimmed with liner gaze into his own.

“You’re never in the way.” He pulls the blanket back and his leader slips in beside him.

“And you’re a liar.” Ji sighs as soon as they touch. “Try not to keep it inside too much, maknae. You don’t have to share, just know that I love you.”

“I love you too.” Seungri feels a chill race down his spine once he feels the other man’s lips at his nape, and the rest of the night is total blackness. Not the empty type, but the oddly comforting kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used one of my favorite photos of Seungri out there for this chapter. The scene where he's looking down at the picture. There is one that is black and white and he has his white blond hair, he's looking down with a soft look on his face. Also his shirt is low enough to show off his collar bones.


	3. Day three: Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong meets up with the others one morning to hear a shocking decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I know. Hoping to start the next one soon. I will update the tags. Happy ending for my boys.
> 
> Not beta read, please forgive my mistakes.

Day three: a change of plans

They get some time off and they head home after waking up in the hotel room. He refused to board another flight while running on fumes. Jiyong showers quickly, brushes his teeth before making sure everything is packed correctly. The others are quiet, even Seungri who has his trademark sunglasses on. The plane ride back to Korea was silent, and it gave him time to think.

Usually he heads out to the clubs even when their schedule is crazy busy. Sometimes it helps to get away from oneself, after long hours at the studio, either by himself or with others. There’s just something about being surrounded by other people, some you know, others you don’t. Most are there for the same thing, to get away from it all, let the music take over.

Seungri frequents a club not too far from where they are at now, Ji just doesn’t have it in him to face him head on quite yet. CL does a dirty move, and by that he means, damn can she drop it. He wraps an arm around her waist, grinding his hips into her pelvis. Everyone stops for a moment to watch them before returning to what they were doing. This is exactly what he needs.

*

While Jiyong still drinks when he’s out and about, he now knows when to hold back. So when he gets a text from T.O.P in the morning, his headache only slightly throbbing behind his eyes. When he arrives it's to see Daesung and Taeyang there as well. The table is outside, but fans usually just wave and leave them be. “Good, you’re not too late to order. Seungri is last as always,” T.O.P says while lifting a cup to his lips for a sip.

The weather is mild, with a gentle breeze that brings the smell of freshly brewed coffee and hot food. His stomach decides to growl right when his maknae slouches into the chair next to him. There’s a hint of sadness clinging to him like a second skin, chapped lips drawn down. Eyes panda dark behind dark glasses. Ji reaches out to grab his wrist, not to stop him, but to give physical comfort.

The younger man sighs deeply, muscles tensing up. Ji lets go right away, turning towards the other members, mood downcast. He hates it when Seungri is sad, it just doesn’t feel right. T.O.P places his leg near the maknae, and Seungri wraps one of his around the other man’s. And just like that Riri settles in.

The conversation is light, Seungri comes around enough to flirt wildly with the waitress. Ji can’t help but to smile at that, some things never change. T.O.P is oddly quiet himself, he’s usually animated around them. What you see during an interview is a more formal version of him. But Jiyong brushes it off, hoping that it is just a fluke. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

“I have an announcement to make, and felt like it's time to do so.”

The sudden silence is almost deafening, and Jiyong can feel his stomach drop. Daesung mutters a ‘no’ before turning his head.

T.O.P wets his lips before he speaks. “After our comeback I will be heading to service, and I thought you all should know before the news leaks.”

“Are you sure hyung?” Ji asks softly.

“I am. I would like your support of course. It will be strange not having you all just a phone call away.”

“I will write to you everyday, hyung!” Seungri exclaims. Taeyang nods his head in agreement.

“Call when allowed,” Ji confirms.

“I’m not ready to say goodbye just yet,” Daesung mutters sadly. T.O.P grabs for his wrist only to have it slip through his fingers.

“It's not a goodbye, Dae,” the elder pleading for understanding. The air is thick with tension.


	4. Day four: A Mess That I've Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungri goes out to his usual Hotspot to lose some of the tension, instead he crashes right into his past. A past that could easily tear his life apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh the feels hit me again. Curse you muse.  
> So another short chapter due to alternating point of view. Hey Daesung, who's your friend there?  
> Not beta read, all mistakes belong to me.
> 
> May up the rating at some point. I just want some good JiRi loving, okay?

While Seungri hates the news of T.O.P going to service, he trusts his hyung’s decision. He will miss his crazy ways, love of wine and deep toned voice. Not to mention doing things to take the heat off of him. In conclusion T.O.P is the best hyung the maknae could ask for.

He can still feel the heat of his hyung’s touch on his leg. Seungri needed that more than he realized. Sadly he felt as though he didn't deserve Ji’s touch. Not when his leader takes Seungri’s problem and makes them his own. Besides he's not ready to share that part of his life just yet.

Should have known it'd catch up to him sometime.

*

So the maknae goes out that night, after celebrating with T.O.P a little earlier. There is a pleasant buzz strumming throughout his veins from the wine his hyung served. So he rolls his hips, sandwiched between two people. A couple he thinks, by the way they gazed at him with lust. Quite blanton with their body language.

It feels good, his pelvis pressing against a softness of a woman. He can feel himself get to half mast right then, just as the gentleman presses his own hardness into Seungri’s lower back. He closes his eyes and moans low and deep, head back, throat exposed.

Expecting the press of moist whispered promises, instead he gets bodied out of the way. He comes into contact with a hard yet familiar body, Seungri can't help the grunt that escapes.

“Whoa there,” a kind voice says over the music. Seungri knows that voice, ached to hear it again, though he fights it off. “Been awhile since I seen you last.” Seungri hates the tone, as if he's a school boy, a kid, a younger brother. His head begins to ache, though not from the alcohol.

“Yeah, well I've been around,” he slurs. The man looks on in surprise. “How about you? Where have you been?” Poking a finger into the other man’s chest.

“Just got back from,” the guy starts.

“Don't say it,” Seungri holds up the same finger, a glint in his eye.

“I'm in service now Lee. Just managed to get on leave.” 

“Did you?” Seungri asks, before he can think better of it.

“Yeah, I plan on it. Parents went. Did you?”

“Haven't had time to,” shame colors the maknae’s voice.

Lind puts his hand on his shoulder and gives a steady grip before pulling him in for a semi rough hug. “She'd understand, you know?” Seungri immediately shakes his head no. He didn't even order flowers to be sent to the cemetery. What kind of man was he anyway? “You'll go as soon as you can. I know you Lee.”

Seungri hates him, for knowing him so well. Not only his thoughts but his body, inner self hidden away from the rest of the world. God, but he can't do this.

“I'll call a cab. We will talk soon. Oh, and Seungri?” The maknae looks up under his lashes. Lind pauses, wondering if Seungri knows just how beautiful he really is.

“Yeah?” He asks, sounding defeated.

“It's nice seeing you again.”

“Sure.”

*

It takes everything not to vomit on the sidewalk outside. The guilt he's never let himself feel before comes crashing down on him in waves. He sends the cab away and calls Daesung.

“Hello?” A sleepy voice asks.

“Can you come get me?” Seungri’s voice cracks before he starts to cry in earnest.

“Of course Seungri. Same as usual?” Meaning the club that the maknae frequents.

“Yeah,” he manages to get out.

“Be right there,” his hyung tells him. Seungri doesn't register the rustling of sheets or the other man's voice right before the call disconnects. Instead he's head straight for an internal freak out.


	5. Day 5: I'd love you if you let me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungri is unusually quite once Jiyong opens the door. There is an aura of sadness, and what he has to say comes as a bit of shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I hate having a block.  
> We are getting closer to them getting together. Are you excited? I'm excited.  
> All mistakes are my own.  
> A sad Ri makes me sad.

Jiyong was known to be one of the heavier sleepers, the other being T.O.P. But the banging broke right through all of that, and he finds himself muttering under his breath as his toe catches the corner of his bedroom doorway.

Seungri, his maknae is on the other side, fist raised to knock again if need be.

“RI?” Jiyong’s voice cracks from the lack of use.

“Hey hyung, may I come in?” Seungri’s gaze doesn't quite meet Ji’s and he can feel his stomach drop.

“You are always welcome here,” the leader reminds him. Seungri turns and waves off Daesung who nods his head before turning his car around and heading home. The maknae toes off his shoes before grabbing his slippers. Each member having a special pair at everyone's place.

“I am going to start the coffee. Have a seat.” His fingers feel numb as he measures the water before pouring it and pushing start. His panda is sitting motionless on the couch, the only color left to his skin is the make up that the maknae had put on before going on the night before. It almost looks unnatural, the way he sits there, ever so still. Ji sits down in the arm chair and waits patiently for the other man to speak.

“I decided to tell you first because you are our leader, and because I trust you most.” Seungri’s lids cover his beautiful eyes, and it leaves Jiyong feeling breathless. A number of things could be wrong… Has he fathered a child unknowingly? Another leak of sorts? The list is endless.

“Okay. I'm glad you chose to open up. I feel like something's been bothering you for a while now.”

“That's like you, hyung,” Seungri whispers. His gaze is still downcast but their is a hint of a smile to his otherwise serene face. “You know before we can even figure out for ourselves,” he finally meets his leader's eyes. “I guess the only way to do this is to start from the beginning.” Ji finally takes a calming breath.

“It began before I came for the tryouts. My first love was found lifeless just before I was set to leave. Recently it was the anniversary of her death.” Jiyong gently reaches out to touch, barely noticing how the maknae twitched. They both sigh once Ji makes contact, keeping his palm on the other man's thigh.

“First I am sorry for your loss. Everything about it sounds heart breaking. From the timing, her being so young, and her being your first love.” Seungri nods a little forcefully.

“The thing is hyung, her brother was my second. I'm bisexual. At first I thought it was because he was there, reeling from the same loss. Something familiar. But as time went by I found myself being attracted to other men as well. I enjoy both to be honest.” Of all the things his maknae was going to tell him, this was not it. Though he expected Seungri to be open with his sexuality. He just oozes charisma.

“You've kept this in for a long time Ri. I suspected it, but it was never my place to judge.”

“So you're not mad?” Seungri’s voice wavers.

“Of course not. I love you. We love you,” he speaks for the rest of them. “You are loved by many.”

“I care more about what you all think more though. You are family. Actually you are my everything.” Once he catches what he just said, he looks down and gives a soft laugh.

“No one can't say you don't have a way with words,” Ji teases.

“Oh shut it,” Seungri retorts. He then gets up and sits in his leader’s lap.

“Ow, You’re heavy,” Ji complains.

“You know you love me,” Ri gives him that youthful smile. The kind that makes him seem ageless, not to mention he kind of glows.

“You and your ego,” Ji grouses.

“Love you too hyung.” The bastard knows that he has won this round.

*

“Can I spend the night here?” Seungri asks, not quite ready to go home just yet.

“Of course maknae. Stay as long as you like. Heading to bed? I got home a couple of hours before you shown up.” Seungri blanched. “I didn't mean anything by it, just that I ended up coming home earlier than usual. Maybe I was meant to.” Jiyong slips off his house shoes and lays down with a soft groan.

“Maybe. Ah ah. I'm the big spoon this time. Over,” he demands. Ji can feel his skin tingle at the tone in the other man's voice. “Better. Night hyung,” Seungri let's loose a huge yawn practically in Jiyong’s face.

“Night Ri.”


End file.
